


and july

by jjaeniel



Series: song fics [1]
Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-04-24 11:33:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14354610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjaeniel/pseuds/jjaeniel
Summary: it’s different being in love with someone romantically rather than the normal platonic love he had for many years before, seongwoo found out quickly.[alternatively: 6+1 fic about being in love with your best friend]





	and july

**Author's Note:**

> just so theres no confusion, jisung and daniel grew up in busan together and seongwoo moved there when he was 13! so thats how they all know each other,,, then they all moved to seoul for college uwu (also this was written based on the lyrics of and july by heize!)
> 
> enjoy :D

_i._  
it’d be easy for seongwoo to tell daniel. it’d be so easy to lean over, kiss his cheek in an obnoxious way, go _‘i really like you, like more than a friend.’_ , and that's that. he could also do what he always does, easily make a joke out of it and just hope daniel gets the memo. they’ve known each other long enough and daniel’s not stupid. he would get it, probably. seongwoo hopes. 

_instead_ of doing any of that though, seongwoo stays firmly curled up in the corner of daniel’s couch, feeling his heart rate pick up every time daniel reaches over to feed him whatever snack he’s preoccupied with at the moment (5 minutes ago it was fruit snacks, now its oreos. seongwoo doesn't mind, even if he feels vaguely sick). 

as hard as he’s trying to focus on the movie that's playing, seongwoo couldn’t tell you what happened in the last five minutes, let alone the _title_ of the movie. daniel is super into it though, his eyes never leaving the screen even when he reaches over to feed seongwoo. 

seongwoo takes the opportunity to just stare at daniel. it’s different being in love with someone romantically rather than the normal platonic love he had for many years before, seongwoo found out quickly. he notices more about daniel, like the _specific way_ daniel’s eyes crinkle when he's really happy, or how his mouth turns down _just_ so when he's really upset over something that just happened on tv. 

or how tender daniel looks at him versus their other friends. he refuses to get his hopes up. 

“woo,” daniel says without even looking at him, nearly whispering as if he’s in a real movie theater and has to be quiet. seongwoo makes a noise back to let daniel know he's listening. “you’re staring at me. you’re not even watching the movie.”

“was just making sure you’re still as ugly as the last time i looked at you,” seongwoo whispers back, feeling like he’ll ruin something if he talks any louder. he feels a smile spread across his face at the unimpressed look daniel shoots his way. 

“i’m very handsome, ong seongwoo. the _most_ handsome, according to my mom and jisung hyung. please don’t lie to me. you just wanted to stare at my beautiful face. its fine, i get it, stare away,” daniel says, finally taking his eyes away from the movie to give seongwoo the cockiest smile he’s ever seen.

seongwoo takes a second to recover, feeling the butterflies in his stomach go wild. he mentally curses for letting daniel have this power over him. he's just _smiling_. 

attempting to _not_ feel like he’s melted completely into the couch because of the younger, he reaches over to squish daniel’s cheeks in between his palms and coos. seongwoo lets out a string of compliments, calling him every pretty name in the book ~~he wishes he could say for real~~ , and pinches daniel’s cheek for extra effect. the part flustered part wide-eyed shocked look daniel gives him is the best thing he's ever seen and he lets out a laugh.

“sorry niel, hyung is sorry for calling you ugly,” seongwoo coos again, sounding more like he's talking to a toddler than someone only a year and a few months younger than him. 

daniel flushes bright red, effectively slapping seongwoo’s hands away from his face and glaring at him. seongwoo tells himself it's just a glare from the tv, daniel cant be _actually_ affected from what he just did. his heart starts racing again anyway. 

“how can you possibly be this _embarrassing_ ,” daniel whines, pouting. “we’re not even in public, there's no _point._ ”

“there's always a point, my dear daniel,” seongwoo says dramatically, trying to calm his racing heart by making jokes like usual. 

everything settles back to normal after that, but seongwoo can't stop the little voice in his head from telling him it would be much easier to _tell_ daniel than continue on like this every time they see each other. he tells it to shut up. he’ll tell daniel when he's ready, whenever _that_ is.

 _ii._  
seongwoo is having an absolutely _shit_ day. ever since realizing he failed his history final earlier on, things have just been steadily getting worse and worse. 

right after his last class, it started raining and he didn’t have his umbrella. he got splashed with water by a passing car while walking home. his favorite cafe, where he was _hoping_ to warm up for a little before continuing his journey, was closed due to a family emergency. on top of all of that, he didn't see either jisung _or_ daniel today when he knows for a fact they both had classes. to say seongwoo just wants to lay in a puddle on the side of the road and cry is an understatement.

in true seongwoo fashion, he bottles it up, tells no one how _awful_ he feels, and carries on. he’ll deal with it later, or preferably, never.

things don't come to a head until a few weeks later, right at the beginning of summer. college had only ended a few days prior, but seongwoo still feels awful about the failed finals, the less than perfect marks, the fact he can't even find it in himself to _talk_ to anyone. it's not even like he doesn’t have anyone to talk to, either. he has daniel, and jisung by association. hell, he could probably even call _minhyun_ and vent to him, too. 

instead, he ignores it. _again._

later on in the night, seongwoo gets a call from daniel. as soon as he sees the name pop up on screen he feels dread wash over him. _fuck._ he’d totally forgotten they were supposed to go to that music festival tonight. he’d spent so much time stuck in his own head worrying over stuff that doesn’t even _matter_ now he just- forgot. 

“hello?” seongwoo says softly, feeling absolutely awful and like he’s about to cry any second. he _hates_ letting daniel down. 

“hey man, where are you? are you ready or? cause if we leave now we can probably get a good spot,” daniel says, obviously not knowing what seongwoo has been going through for the past few hours.

“i- um,” seongwoo starts, feeling a lump form in his throat. “about that, niel, i’m sorry i just-“ he continues, the worst that could possibly happen starting to happen. seongwoo is about to cry and there's nothing he can do to stop it. 

“woo?” daniel says softly, sounding all concerned and _god_ , seongwoo wants to sob. he feels _awful_ , for doing this to daniel but also just in _general_. “hey woo whats up? do you just not wanna go? cause thats fine, its not like i'm holding you at gunpoint or anything.”

“no it’s just- niel everything's so _bad_ and i don’t know what to do anymore,” seongwoo says, sniffling as tears fall down his face. “fuck, i’m sorry i know you were really excited and now i’m crying and you’re probably gonna get all worried and drop _everything_ because that's just how you _are_ and you won’t even get to go and it’ll be all my _fault._ ”

“woo, i can push the tickets back, it's really not a big deal. you're my best friend and if _you_ of all people is crying like this right now it has to be serious,” daniel says, continuing with, “plus, i know you, if it wasn't serious enough to drop everything for you would’ve just came along and not started sobbing when you realized you forgot.”

letting out a small (very forced) laugh, seongwoo tries and fails to assure daniel that he’ll be okay. the younger has known him long enough to know when he’s just telling daniel he’s okay to not seem like a burden and when he's really okay. 

it takes all of five seconds for daniel to decide to call the festival off and head over to seongwoo’s instead. he refuses to take no for an answer and quickly changes so seongwoo doesn't feel even _worse_ seeing daniel in his festival clothes. after quickly texting their group chat to let the rest of them know both him and seongwoo can’t make it, daniel heads out. 

it takes less than the usual 15 minutes for daniel to get to seongwoo’s apartment building, tripping a few times on the way over in his haste to get there. he's not worried, per say, but he feels as distressed as seongwoo sounded on the phone, like some mental mind link or something. 

daniel doesn’t bother ringing the bell, just going straight in with all the codes he’s long since memorized. he finds seongwoo on the couch, wrapped in his duvet, presumably waiting for him. he looks so _cute_ and daniel melts, completely forgetting what he came here for in the first place for a few seconds. 

“woo?” daniel says quietly once he’s recovered from the sight in front of him, sitting down gently on the couch by seongwoo’s feet. at seongwoo’s answering _‘hm?’_ he continues, “‘m here to talk or order food if you want. or just have me shut up if you want that too.” 

seongwoo lets out a small smile at the last suggestion and sits up, still keeping the duvet wrapped securely around him. 

“i’m really okay, niel. i just got caught off guard earlier and freaked out. i didn’t mean to start crying,” seongwoo says, sniffling and giving himself away. daniel probably knows he hasn’t stopped crying since he hung up. 

frowning, daniel reaches over and wraps his arms around the blanket-shaped seongwoo.

“why won’t you just tell me? i know something is obviously wrong, woo. we’ve been friends too long, i know the exact face you make when you’re _hungry_. i know everything about you whether you like it or not,” daniel says, resting his chin on seongwoo’s shoulder. he tries to ignore his racing heart at their proximity _he_ initiated and waits for seongwoo’s reply. 

“i- niel, it’s dumb. it’s just, i failed that history final for college hard even though i studied for days and got bad marks in half my classes and i just- this isn’t _me_ ,” seongwoo says, picking at a loose thread on the duvet. he can’t even find it in him to be happy daniel is half cuddling him at this point. he’s just tired. 

“have you ever considered that maybe not being perfect is a good thing?” daniel says quietly, pulling seongwoo closer to him to try and provide at least some comfort. “like, if you were perfect all the time i think you’d either stop feeling human or assume you're better than everyone else. or something. dunno, read it in my psychology book. point is, this is a good thing? like it fuckin _sucks_ but… getting bad marks in your sophomore year isn't the worst thing in the world, woo.”

cuddling closer into daniel’s chest, effectively making him half lay down, seongwoo sighs heavily. he knows daniel is right, the psychology major always knowing more about him than he knows himself just by the way he _does_ things. it’s scary, to be honest. 

“i mean, you’re right but that doesn’t mean i feel less any shit, niel,” seongwoo says quietly, going from picking on the loose thread on the blanket to one on daniel’s shirt. “i’ve never gotten a C before, y’know? was weird.”

at this, daniel snorts and his hand moves up almost automatically to card through seongwoo’s hair. “if i’d have never gotten a C i’d probably be a better person, but alas, here i am.” daniel says, looking at seongwoo, wearing the smile he uses when he thinks he's being extra funny. seongwoo rolls his eyes. “in all seriousness though, if you base all your worth on letters instead of your actual progress and knowledge you’ll probably get nowhere. spending too much time worrying about perfect grades now in _college_ is pointless. as long as you pass it's okay.”

not bothering with an answer, seongwoo just reaches over daniel to grab the remote and turn on the tv. he _knows_ daniel is right, but actually trying to stop feeling bad about himself? unlikely. 

“just think about that, yeah?” daniel says, knowing seongwoo won’t answer at this point. “i’ll even write you sticky note reminders weekly if i have to, and you know how much i hate dedication to anything. i’d do it though, if you asked.”

laughing and hitting daniel’s shoulder, seongwoo shakes his head, responding with a, “don’t you dare, that's so embarrassing, you're not my dad.”

both of them fall silent after that, seongwoo focusing on watching whatever he put on. daniel doesn’t know what's really going on in the show, so he busies himself with playing with seongwoo’s hair. they’ve never really cuddled like this, _definitely_ not alone. the closest he can think of is when he, seongwoo, and jisung had a movie night the day after their freshman year finals and all ended up knocked out 20 minutes in. they woke up gross and sweaty, four blankets and two other bodies never being a good mix, _especially_ right at the beginning of summer, no matter how much air conditioning there is. 

it takes daniel’s brain a while to process that this is _seongwoo_ , the seongwoo he’s been in love with for close to three years, the seongwoo who watched him grow up and protected him from bullies even though daniel was bigger and probably stronger, too. 

when daniel finally realizes this is _his_ seongwoo, the one he's in _love_ with, his heart rate picks up. he hopes seongwoo won't notice, or hear for that matter, considering his ear is pressed right up against daniel’s chest. 

taking a look down at seongwoo, daniel realizes he thankfully wouldn’t notice anyway. the older male is knocked out cold, looking exhausted even while sleeping. daniel is momentarily worried, knowing any form of stress manifests physically for seongwoo. 

instead of focusing on the crush he has on his best friend, the worry over said best friend, and the pounding of his heart, daniel decides to join seongwoo in sleeping. he knows he’ll regret his position in the morning, but for now, he sleeps. he can deal with everything later. 

_iii._  
looking over, daniel sees seongwoo pressed up against jisung with a wide smile on his face. they’re dancing obnoxiously, no doubt mocking all the people seriously grinding on the dance floor. seongwoo looks so carefree and so much less stressed from the last time daniel saw him, part of him is relieved.

getting momentarily stuck on just _watching_ , daniel follows a bead of sweat from seongwoo's forehead, down his cheek, past his mole constellation, over the ridge of his jaw, down his neck, and finally, finally, _finally_ disappearing under the neckline of his shirt. 

daniel is mesmerized. hes normally not one to wax poetic over things but he forgot that seongwoo can be beautiful, too. he’s used to the funny seongwoo, the seongwoo who just wants to make everyone around him laugh. the sleepy seongwoo, who honestly looks like he would rather die than be awake. the hot seongwoo, like from earlier on in the night. daniel isn't used to the beautiful seongwoo, the one he just wants to hold and call pretty names and watch him blush. the one he wishes he could call _his_ , along with all the other seongwoo’s daniel knows and loves. 

daniel shakes his head, mentally chastising himself for being _this_ cheesy- in an underground club of all places, too.

it takes him a minute to realize the loud noise in his left ear is seongwoo yelling _something_ to him (he thinks he heard the word surprise?), looking at him with a big smile on his face. daniel is confused but nods along anyway, still stuck thinking about just how _beautiful_ seongwoo really is. he feels like he’s seeing seongwoo in a new light, despite the fact he’s known him since forever and thought he memorized everything about him. apparently being beautiful wasn’t something daniel thought to memorize. 

being tugged along by an overeager seongwoo and jisung, daniel has the momentary thought that he should tell seongwoo. tell him he’s in love with him. tell him everything he’s ever wanted to say for the past three years, every passing thought he’s had about him, tell him just how important he is to daniel. 

instead, all that comes out is a _“uh, where are we going?”_ and gets two giggles in return. this should set alarms off in daniel’s brain, but he’s still a little drunk and with the two people he trusts the most in the world, so why should he worry?

stumbling out the back entrance, the trio is met with that beginning of summer air, the air that still hasn’t cooled down despite it nearing 2am. daniel was _hoping_ for some relief from the humid air in the club, but is only met with the same gross, sweaty feeling. sighing and letting the pair continue to drag him along, daniel gets lost in thought again.

it’s risky, being in love with your best friend, daniel thinks. people always write it as something magical, something to be thankful for. something that’s everyone’s dream, getting to spend the rest of your life with another person who just _gets_ you in ways others can’t.

daniel doesn’t think any of that at all. for daniel, being in love with seongwoo has been nothing short of hell. the exhaustion of hiding it, the fear of being found out and losing seongwoo, all the thoughts that seongwoo would never in a million years feel the same way about him. the absolute terrifying feeling of losing seongwoo even if things _do_ work out for a while. 

being in love with your best friend is like willingly walking into a fire and hoping you don’t get burned too badly. 

snapping back to the present, daniel realizes they’ve walked all the way to the river. under normal, not drunk circumstances this walk would’ve had jisung complaining halfway through, threatening to just get a cab and go home. 

instead, the pair are staring at him with sparkling eyes, their arms wide open like they’re giving him the world, instead of a river he’s walked past hundreds of times.

giving the them a confused look, daniel walks closer to the railing. he misses busan. he misses the ocean and the summer nights spent sneaking onto the beach with seongwoo and jisung, getting drunk and hoping they wouldn’t get caught. 

“why are we here? i’ve been here hundreds of times, it's hardly a surprise now,” daniel says, laughing softly. 

“you looked like-” seongwoo starts, hiccuping once. “you looked like you were thinking a lot in the club, like something was bothering you. ‘n i know like- like you go to the water to think ‘n stuff, and like its not busan but- but its still _water_ so here we are!” seongwoo finishes, hiccuping again and smiling like he just made a presidential speech, holding out his arms again and smacking jisung’s shoulder in the process. 

after a momentary scuffle between the two drunk elders, daniel lets out a soft “ _thank you,_ ” feeling like he’s about to start crying. it’s definitely the alcohol making him more emotional, not the fact that seongwoo remembers small details like that. definitely not.

seongwoo, in an act of drunk bravery, presses himself up against daniel’s side, laying his head on the younger’s shoulder.

despite the night finally starting to cool down, daniel feels hotter than he has all night, his heart racing a mile a minute and distinctly not looking at seongwoo. there’s no way in _hell_ he can ever tell seongwoo he's in love with him. he can’t fuck _this_ , this casual affection, up. he won’t. 

_iv._  
daniel is frustrated. seongwoo was supposed to show up to go out an _hour_ ago, and he hasn’t even texted daniel to say he's running late. nothing, daniel’s gotten nothing. he shouldn’t be surprised, seongwoo’s new habit of bailing on him often has become more frequent in the past few weeks. he feels like he hasn't fully seen him in _months _.__

__part of daniel wonders if he’s done something wrong, or been too obvious for that matter. he thinks he’s been doing a pretty good job of keeping his crush on his friend underwraps, the only other person knowing being jisung. based on the way seongwoos been acting lately, though, it seems likely he’s figured it out. that, or seongwoo _also_ likes him and is doing what he does best (avoidance). shaking his head because that’s _ridiculous_ , daniel gets up to go find his phone. _ _

__upon realizing seongwoo still hasn't texted him back, hasn’t even _looked_ at the message daniel sent, he decides to take matters into his own hands and calls seongwoo himself. _ _

__it takes three calls before seongwoo _finally_ picks up and when he does, he sounds out of breath. this _should’ve_ tipped daniel off, but it doesn’t, thinking seongwoo was just rushing home to get ready from somewhere or something._ _

__the thing that _does_ tip daniel off is the _“who is it babe”_ from the background, the whispered _“don’t call me that”_ from seongwoo himself, the sound of something being kissed, and the unmistakable sound of a muffled moan. under normal circumstances, this would just make daniel hurriedly hang up, text seongwoo a _“sorry im so sorry i’ll call back later,”_ and spend the next four hours thinking about it, but this isn’t normal circumstances. daniel was frustrated to begin with, and now he’s downright _pissed._ _ _

__“did you really bail on me to fucking hook-up? really, seongwoo?” daniel says, still in shock this is really happening right now. “are you being serious? like, i haven’t seen you properly in _weeks_ and the one night we’re both free you do _this?_ ”_ _

__“and if i did?” seongwoo says back angrily, feeling defensive already for some reason. “last time i checked you’re not some mother hen who has to watch over me 24/7. if you haven’t noticed, i’m older than you and can take care of myself. plus, you don’t get rights to where my dick does or doesn’t go. you’re literally just my best friend.”_ _

__daniel ignores the sting he gets from the last sentence, putting aside his hurt to fire back, “you’re right, i _am_ just your best friend, but also your best friend you were _supposed_ to see tonight. the one you haven't seen in weeks. the one you've been neglecting to, based on this, fuck some random guy. or maybe he’s your boyfriend and has rights to your dick like i don’t? i wouldn’t know, we barely talk now.”_ _

__“god it's amazing how much of a _child_ you sound like right now, daniel,” seongwoo says, knowing it’ll hurt daniel more than anything he could possibly say. daniel’s always been criticized for acting like a kid, people mistaking his pure joy in things as complete immaturity. seongwoo never thought he’d be the one to add to daniel’s pain, but here he is._ _

__it takes daniel a minute to recover from that one, never thinking seongwoo would go there to hurt him on purpose. going silent, daniel just waits._ _

__after a few seconds, seongwoo lets out a _“niel?”_ and then a panicked _“fuck im so sorry i didn’t mean it. i swear, i wouldn’t do that to you.”__ _

__“are you sure? are you sure you wouldn’t do that to me, seongwoo? because it seems like you just did. pretty easily, actually,” daniel replies, feeling some of his anger be replaced by a bone crushing weight in his chest. “listen, if you just don't wanna be friends anymore it’s fine. you could've just told me, though, instead of bailing all the fucking time. thought all these years of friendship meant more, but i was probably wrong. just, don't contact me anymore, yeah? see, simple as that.”_ _

__“no, niel wait listen-“ seongwoo tries to say, before effectively being hung up on. he sits and stares at his phone for a solid 15 seconds, feeling like the weight of the world was just dropped on his shoulders._ _

__“i’m just gonna, i’ll just go?” the man behind seongwoo says, seongwoo making no move to stop him as he lets himself out._ _

__calling minhyun, knowing daniel would probably call jisung after _whatever_ it was that just happened, seongwoo waits. he can’t possibly stand to be alone right now, but didn’t want the company of some random person he can’t even remember the name of. _ _

__“hello?” minhyun finally answers, sounding confused as to why seongwoo is calling him so late. he really only ever truly calls for school help despite them being close._ _

__“hyun,” seongwoo chokes out, feeling the reality of the situation finally hit him. “i think i just lost my best friend.”_ _

__“huh? daniel? seongwoo what happened?” minhyun says, sitting upright. “do you want me to come over?”_ _

__mentally sighing in relief at the fact he didn't even have to ask, seongwoo says his confirmations, letting minhyun know he’ll tell him what happened when he gets here. he’s upset and truthfully, numb, and knows minhyun can and will give him comfort._ _

__on the other side of town, daniel is conflicted. part of him wants to call seongwoo back and say he’s sorry for overreacting and please, please, _please_ don't leave. the other part of him is still furious at being ditched for weeks on end only for _this_ to happen. _ _

__in the end, he decides to call jisung. being his only other friend as close as seongwoo (and truthfully, his only other friend besides sungwoon from math), he knows jisung wouldn’t judge him for the way he reacted, even if he doesn’t agree._ _

__“jis,” daniel says quietly when the older male picks up. “jis- _jisung_ , i fucked up real bad and think i just lost seongwoo. hyung,” the last word being said as a cry for help, daniel finally feels all the anger leave him only to be replaced with an even heavier weight on his chest. he feels like he can't breathe even when nothing is physically making it impossible to do so. _ _

__“what?” jisung says incredulously. “what do you mean you lost seongwoo? what could’ve possibly happened, niel?”_ _

__“i- hyung,” daniel says again, feeling like his entire world is collapsing around him. “can you just- can you come over?”_ _

__jisung is momentarily taken aback by the whole situation, feeling like some world balance is off. it’s always been seongwoo and daniel, daniel and seongwoo. they’ve been friends for as long as jisung can remember, ever since seongwoo moved to busan and joined the pair’s friend group._ _

__after getting the confirmation jisung is in fact coming, daniel hangs up and goes to change, wrapping himself in a duvet and feeling small. he misses seongwoo already. he didn’t realize how much he actually depends on seongwoo for _everything_ , always looking forward to his next text or call. he feels lonely._ _

__somewhere in the middle of seoul, two best friends are being comforted by friends who aren’t each other. two best friends are wishing it was the other, and two best friends aren’t sure if they’ll ever talk again._ _

_v._  
seongwoo is alone. he’s in a sea full of people but he feels more lonely than he has in his entire life. the past month without daniel has been rough, the younger one giving him what has essentially been the world's longest silent treatment in their entire friendship. daniel’s never been mad at him like this before, never been mad at him at all really. daniel doesn’t get _mad_ at people. he doesn't hold grudges. in all their years of knowing each other, seongwoo has never seen daniel get truly angry at someone to the point of ignoring them. daniel doesn’t get mad at people, but he's mad at seongwoo, and seongwoo is alone. 

__seongwoo doesn't even know why he came to this club. he’s not the biggest fan of drinking on weekdays, he's too in love with his _best fucking friend_ to hook up with anyone again, and thinking of being pressed up against sweaty people right now seems like a nightmare ( _without daniel next to you_ , his brain helpfully supplies). it takes him all of three seconds to decide none of this is worth it, downing the $7 drink he definitely didn’t pay for and didn’t even _want_. fuck the $15 he paid to get in. none of this even _matters_ if daniel is still mad at him. _ _

__he pushes past a crowd of people to get to the entrance, ignoring all the _“what the fuck man”_ ’s and the _“watch where the fuck you're going dude!”_ ’s. when he makes it outside he's stunned for a minute, forgetting where he is and what he’s meant to be doing._ _

__fixing things with daniel. fixing things, getting his best friend back, _right._ _ _

__pulling his phone out of his front pocket, it takes seongwoo two seconds to pull up daniel’s contact, thumb hovering over the call button. it takes him even longer to press call, taking a deep breath. he can do this. all in the name of getting his best friend back. doesn’t even _matter_ that he's in love with him. everything’ll be fine as long as he doesn't… fuck up. say something stupid. let him know he’s in love. it’ll be okay. _ _

__seongwoo opens and locks his phone three times, paces back and forth twice, assures the bouncer of the club _yes he's fine, no he didn't drink or do any weird drugs inside, yes he swears, he's just making a tough decision is all_ , and finally, finally, _finally_ presses daniel’s number. _ _

__it rings once, twice, three times and seongwoo is about to hang up, feeling anxiety start to course through him. he doesn’t think he can handle hearing daniel’s voicemail one more time, the _“sorry i couldn't get to the phone, leave a message at the beep! unless you're seongwoo then fuck you i don't care,”_ that he set it to almost exactly a day after the fight. seongwoo pretends it doesn't break his heart over and over every time he listens to it. _ _

__the phone rings twice more, seongwoo losing hope and sighing, pulling the phone away from his ear. he's about to hang up and go cry to minhyun or something when he hears the blunt _“what do you want.”_ from the other side of the line and feels all the breath leave his lungs. he didn’t even realize daniel picked up, not expecting him to in the slightest and now he's at a loss of what to do. panic, hang up, go cry to minhyun? answer back, have a convo, hang up, go cry to jisung instead? _ _

__“seongwoo. what do you _want_ , seongwoo,” daniel says more forcefully, sounding exhausted and fed up. seongwoo feels a pit of emptiness open up inside him and he wants to cry. he tries not to be wounded by the use of his full name, rather than daniel’s usual _‘woo’_ he's been calling him since a week into their first meeting in middle school. _ _

__“niel,” seongwoo breathes out, still a little in shock from daniel just _picking up_. the fact this is something he gets excited over now, something that was guaranteed to him a month ago, is upsetting. “i- i just. i miss you. i wanna talk, soon maybe? i don't know daniel i miss you so _fucking_ much, you know? i… i didn’t- i don't know what to do without you.”_ _

__“we’re talking now, seongwoo, what more is there to say? the fact after all our _years_ of friendship you really thought you couldn’t tell me something? no matter what it is? the fact you could’ve told _my_ best friend but not _me_? what did i do wrong? huh seongwoo?” daniel says, sounding more distressed the longer he goes on. seongwoo wants to run over to his apartment and beg on his knees for forgiveness. he's a _dickhead__ _

__“niel-,” seongwoo starts, clearing his throat. “niel, i tried to tell you before but you wouldn’t _listen_. i would’ve said something if it didn’t involve _you_ ,” he finishes, not caring if daniel finds out at this point, just ~~wanting~~ _needing_ his best friend back._ _

__“what the fuck is _that_ supposed to mean, woo? what the fuck could possibly _involve me_ that i don’t know about? huh?” daniel says bitterly, huffing impatiently. “you’re acting like you’re in love with me or something.” the little incredulous laugh he lets out, like that would be the dumbest thing daniel’s ever heard, hurts. _ _

__seongwoo feels his entire body freeze, the grip on his phone going slack before he remembers to catch it. it feels like all the breath has left his lungs, not expecting daniel to go _there.__ _

__“woo? seongwoo. ong seongwoo, answer me,” daniel says, repeating his name over and over._ _

all seongwoo lets out is a single _‘ha’_ before promptly hanging the fuck up.  


_vi._  
seongwoo, in almost in a complete 180 of the past month, has taken to ignoring _daniel’s_ calls. and jisung’s, by association, because of the one time daniel called from his phone and tricked seongwoo into picking up. he cried for two hours after hearing the desperate _“seongwoo please talk to me please”_ from daniel.

__it's been a week and three days. a month, a week, and three days since seongwoo has properly talked to daniel. it's his fault this time, but he still can’t find it in him to call the other boy despite how much he _misses_ him. every part of him feels downright _heavy_ , like every molecule in his body has been awake for a week straight, which is the exact opposite of what seongwoo has really been doing. he’s skipped five days of classes so far, knowing he’s extremely behind at this point considering it’s the beginning of the semester. he isn’t able to find it in himself to care. all he’s _done_ is sleep lately._ _

__it feels like a part of him is missing. the other half of his brain, his heart, his _personality_ is missing and he feels-_ _

__he feels lost without daniel._ _

__seongwoo doesn’t even realize he’s called daniel until a soft and raspy, _“woo you know its 2 in the morning right,”_ filters through the phone and he feels a sob rise up in his throat. he doesn’t even know _why_ he's crying, a mix of the relief of daniel actually picking up and the overwhelming heaviness getting worse at daniel’s voice. he sounds sleepy and _cute_ and seongwoo feels endlessly _guilty_ for probably waking him up. _ _

__hearing himself say, more than actually registering he is, seongwoo lets out a litany of _“i love you so much”_ ’s and _“i’m sorry please don’t be mad at me,”_ ’s. he doesn’t even know if daniel can understand him over all the crying and sniffling, honestly. _ _

__“hey woo, hey _listen_ , i’m not mad anymore okay? i should be the one apologizing, truthfully. i was being a dick, i really was, just please, _please_ stop crying. i love you too, alright? i love you too,” daniel says, trying to be as soft as possible so seongwoo will hopefully stop crying. his words seem to do the exact opposite, winding seongwoo up more and making him cry harder. _ _

__“you just- you _left me_ even though i tried to explain and- and a month daniel, a _month_ and now you know everything and you don’t even _love_ me like that and i just miss you so- i miss you so _much_ , niel,” seongwoo manages to get out between sobs. he’s tired, _exhausted_ , of hiding everything and feeling like the weight of their entire friendship is on his shoulders alone. _ _

__“who said i don’t?” daniel says softly, letting out a small laugh at the incredulous _“huh?”_ from the other side of the line. “why do you _really_ think i was so mad about you hooking up with someone else? i was _jealous_ , seongwoo. jealous in the ‘i wish that was me’ way, dumbass.”_ _

__“what the fuck,” seongwoo breathes out, the confession effectively stopping all his tears out of pure shock alone. “what the fuck, kang daniel. why didn’t you _tell me_. what the fuck.”_ _

__that shocks a laugh out of daniel, seongwoo feeling his heart give a weak flutter. he answers with his own laugh when daniel lets out a, _“i could ask you the same thing!”__ _

__“god we’re so- we’re so fucking stupid. does jisung know?” seongwoo asks, sniffling and feeling a few more tears slip out involuntarily despite the fact he’s not _that_ upset anymore. _ _

__“of course he does. i tried to lie and say i didn’t know about how i felt for like, three months but he always has a way of just _knowing_. he knows about you too then?” daniel asks back, shaking his head slightly at how ridiculous this entire situation became. him and seongwoo are complete _idiots_._ _

__“obviously. i swear he's psychic sometimes. really can’t believe he watched me cry for hours on end and probably knew the whole _time_. fuckin asshole,” seongwoo lets out between giggles, finally mustering up enough energy to sit up and wipe his face. going quiet, he continues, “d’you think i could… can i come over? i know it's like, 2:30 and you probably have to be up early but-“_ _

__“course you can, just cause its been a month doesn't mean my house isnt still yours, woo,” daniel says softly, effectively cutting off seongwoo from rambling any further. “just be safe, please,” he adds as an afterthought._ _

__“will be,” is seongwoo’s answering reply, getting up to get ready. “just… stay on the phone?”_ _

__“yeah, course. _huuuurrry,_ ” daniel whines, sounding more like a little kid than anything else. “need cuddles or i'll _die_ , ong seongwoo. do you want me to die?”_ _

__“you’re so- how can you be this _dramatic_? i’ll be there in ten minutes,” seongwoo replies, feeling himself really smile for the first time in weeks. grabbing his keys and heading out the door, he physically _feels_ lighter. not like the world is going to end if he makes one wrong move._ _

__sure, he's terrified to fuck things up and genuinely hurt daniel, but he’s pretty sure daniel feels the same, too._ _

_\+ vii._  
it's somewhere around 5am, long after their first, second, third kiss, when daniel poses the _“so, how long have you been in love with me?”_ question. he probably should’ve waited until the older male was done drinking, but he’s never been good at timing things, and gets stuck rubbing seongwoo’s back until he recovers. 

__“christ, we’ve been properly talking again for only three hours and i already get this question?” seongwoo says, trying to sound annoyed but even he can’t hide the smile threatening to break out on his face. it feels good to have daniel finally just _know_. the reciprocated feelings are a bonus (the best bonus he could ask for). _ _

__“what! i’m curious, okay!” daniel says laughing, feeling as light as a feather and not tired in the slightest. “for your information, it was three years officially for me. probably longer if we count when i didn’t figure it out but still had those feelings.”_ _

__at this, seongwoo full body laughs and lets out a, “weak! i've been in love with you and _known_ since i moved to busan, daniel. i win.”_ _

__pushing seongwoo’s shoulder and mumbling a, “ _you were fucking 13 there's no way show me proof,_ ” daniel continues with, “plus, not everyone has known they were gay since they left the fuckin’ womb, asshole.”_ _

__“should’ve figured it out the minute you met my handsome lil face, danny boy,” seongwoo says, smiling as wide and obnoxiously as he can._ _

__pouting and pushing seongwoo _again_ , daniel lets out a whiny _“why can't you just looove me and accept me for who i aaaam,”_ before hugging seongwoo around the middle and resting his chin on the elders shoulder. _ _

__rolling his eyes at daniel’s _drama_ , seongwoo pulls him to lay down. arranging daniel in just the way he likes like he's some kind of puppet, seongwoo finally joins him in laying and cuddles up to him. _ _

__“are you happy now?” daniel says sarcastically despite him not really minding seongwoo pushing and pulling him around in the slightest. his hand immediately finds the back of seongwoo’s head to play with his hair, almost in an exact mirror of the events from a little over a month ago. the only difference now is seongwoo can hear daniel’s heart racing and isn’t asleep to miss it._ _

__“very,” seongwoo practically purrs, rubbing his cheek on daniel’s chest like some overgrown cat and finally settling down. “you’re extremely warm. and large. like a nice, dog. dog shaped boy.”_ _

__stuck between being offended and endeared by seongwoo’s sleepy rambling, daniel just continues playing with his hair. he debates leaning over to kiss seongwoo’s forehead, but doesn’t know if he should._ _

__“whatever you wanna do, do it,” seongwoo mumbles sleepily, knowing daniel is thinking just based on the fact the hand in his hair stopped moving._ _

__rolling his eyes at how ridiculously well seongwoo knows him (and vice versa), daniel leans over and plants a small kiss in the middle of seongwoo’s forehead. he hears a small hum of content and smiles softly, overjoyed he can finally _do_ stuff like this. he feels like he’s waited a lifetime to just be able to _hold_ seongwoo, and now he gets to kiss him? a dream come true. _ _

__truly thinking about it, everything feels completely surreal. reaching over to pinch himself, and then seongwoo when he gets a _“you’re such a dork”_ in response, daniel confirms this _is_ in fact real. he feels giddy, like he can run a marathon. _ _

__he’s still terrified to ruin things and lose seongwoo, but at least now they’ll go through that _together_. he doesn’t have to feel alone anymore, and neither does seongwoo._ _

**Author's Note:**

> let me know if theres anything else i should tag/any mistakes you notice!!! thank u for readinggg 
> 
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